She showed up the day after my second baby was born. I was sitting on the couch, nursing, when she arrived. It’s like she knew instinctively how to help a new parent.
“How are you doing? You look so comfy there with the baby. You stay right there and rest, and I’ll just take a quick look around.”
Three hours later my visitor left, and I got up off the couch. The trash can was emptied, the bathroom was clean, the laundry was folded, the beds were made, the dishes were washed, a pot of soup was simmering on the stove, and a huge bowl of fruit salad was covered in the fridge.
I Don’t Know How She Did All That…
I just remember us having a relaxing chat about the birth, and the baby, and how I was doing. She seemed to leave a trail of peace and gentleness everywhere she went. She promised to come back a few days later, and I felt like the sense of calm would last until she returned to recreate it.
How to Help a New Parent
I wish every new mom could be cared for like I was, even just for a few hours. If you would like to help a new parent, here are some ideas:
- Call or text her to check when would be a good time for you to visit. Ask if there’s anything you can pick up from the store on your way. Don’t be offended if she’s asleep when you arrive. You can call back later.
- Bring food for the family, and don’t expect the new mom to wait on you. Make a meal and then do the dishes.
- Focus on helping the new mom feel comfortable. Ask what is driving her crazy (the dust on the floor, the overflowing laundry basket, the smears on the bathroom mirror) and take care of it. If you’re lucky, she’ll have a “Visitor’s To Do List” on the fridge that you can look at for ideas.
- Ask how she is doing, and then really listen. If she starts crying, be gentle and patient. Say kind things like “This is such a tender time.”, or “You’re a beautiful new mommy.”, or “I’m here for you.”
- If the dad is there, ask him how he’s doing. If there are older siblings, consider bringing gifts for them, not just for the baby.
- Don’t expect the new mom to let you hold the baby. If she asks you to mind the baby so she can take a shower or a nap, that’s a real honor.
- Don’t stay more than an hour unless the new mom wants your help or companionship.
These are just a few ideas. The most important thing is to be sensitive to what the new mom needs and wants.
What is the best thing a visitor did for you after you had a baby? And what are your favorite ways to take care of a new mom?
